The Smiling Grape Company

A restaurant manager in London who marked up a bottle of Cloudy Bay Sauvignon Blanc five times the cost of the bottle has apologised.  “It was meant to be seven times”, he conceded.

_____________________________________________

In New Zealand, the tourist authorities are evidently keen to cash in on Tolkien-mania and have brought out “The Lord of the Rings” range of wines. The Sauvignon Blanc is said to taste of elf’s pee and bilboberries, the Pinot Noir is reminiscent of the stench in the darkest pits of Mordor, whilst the Riesling aromatically resembles a Gollum‘s fart in a dragon‘s cave.

_____________________________________________

Research at Davies University has determined that hoses firing Zinfandel are by far the most effective varietal means of dispersing unruly crowds. Test victims were said to feel a hot burning sensation and an overwhelming nausea. Italian police will still continue to use the more expensive and traditional guns of Amarone.

______________________________________________

A London wine merchant has brought out a revolutionary new wine catalogue with scratch and sniff smells instead of the customary tasting notes for the wines. Unfortunately, on the first print run, the coatings reacted with a chemical compound in the paper and the catalogue was later pronounced to be corked.

_____________________________________________

An Australian clone has just been grafted on to a Burgundian. The result is said to be “painful” even though the recipient was lubricated with vegemite.

_____________________________________________

It’s been called “the blend of blends”. A new English wine called Huxelseyvalreichenthurgau has been invented. The wine is described in a press release by the Association of English Winegrowers as “a real mouthful”.

_____________________________________________

Californian scientists have finally found the perfect terroir after years of painstaking research. “It’s called France”, one said.

_____________________________________________

I watched a very funny movie last night called “The Grapes of Death”.  The film is set in the South of France where winemakers experiment by spraying their vines with a new cutting-edge pesticide.  Unfortunately, when the grapes are used in the next vintage anyone who drinks the wine is turned into a flesh chomping maniac!!

This movie made me laugh as I felt a connection with these poor French wine drinking zombies.  As a wine merchant, I have to taste hundreds of wines a year and quite often you come across a wine that is so bad you start to act like the un-dead.  You begin to moan and make gasping sounds, your jaw becomes loose, you talk in gibberish, you lean forward and limp about swinging your arms in a crazy manner.

You’ll have no problem spotting me at wine tastings…

Matt

Many people have asked me how the The Smiling Grape Company name came about.  I’m trying hard to remember…it could have been from that dream where I was dressed as a Roman Emperor and a smiling Carmen Electra was feeding me grapes or was it that lightening strike moment of genius after too many glasses of a New Zealand Pinot Noir?  It could only be a name better than Slurp & Spit International…

The Smiling Grape Company name seemed ideal as:

• My nickname has always been “Smiler” and yes, it’s true I’m always SMILING - it must be the wine
• Wine is made from a GRAPE (quite a few) or so I was told by a customer last week.  Also a big thank you to Andrew who brought me his latest batch of runner bean wine to taste (my eyes are watering just thinking of it…)
• Er…we are a COMPANY

Wow…it’s that simple!

Keep smiling and drinking the wine!

Matt

COMING SOON: I meet one of our winemakers whose fingers were bitten off by a gorilla…

I have spent the past year sourcing over 400 wines from around the world.  Our philosophy is that “Wine should be a celebration of life” and we have created a novel way so that everyone who enters The Smiling Grape Company can simply follow our carefully planned system and have the perfect wine for any occasion or mood.  Not only do we help the customers make the right choice of wine but we want them to walk away with a story to tell friends.  So, we have provided interesting stories behind the wines and the winemakers from lesser known estates and vineyards.   

I was fed up with stuffy, old fashioned wine shops that make wine confusing and difficult to buy.  In our new shop everyone should be able to find the perfect wine for any occasion.  So I set about creating a very different type of shop: one that not only carries original wines from independent growers; but make it easy for people to pick the right wine for them.

Most shops selling wine tend to be organised by just the country of origin.  This makes it hard to know what’s right because you need to know all about the grower, the grape variety & the vintage.  People reluctantly stick to what they know and don’t get to experience the dizzying range of flavours and experiences available.

Most people don’t want to be saddled with numerical scores, grape yields and barrel toast levels. They just want the right wine for the right occasion or mood.  In our shop there is no room for pretension, posturing and piffle!  If you want, you can choose wine by country, grape or price.  But you can also choose wine by flavour and by the food you wish it to accompany.  It’s that simple!  And if you’re still not sure, why not taste one of the wines on the kitchen table?

As the name The Smiling Grape Company suggests, I will make choosing wines fun and enjoyable.  I will select wonderful wines from all over the world, each with a story to tell. No wine will be sold that I don’t personally approve. Each wine will have exciting and amusing tasting notes with a photograph of the wine maker.  It is my aim to champion the small independent growers. I believe that wine is a gift that should be shared by all.

When people walk into The Smiling Grape Company it must be like coming into someone’s home and being offered a glass of wine!

The Smiling Grape Company will be located on the High Street by Cross Keys Mews opposite the Market Square. 

Check out our photographs as the new shop takes shape!

Cheers!

Matt